I miss him so much

  It has been three months and four days since I found out my cousin Bryan passed away. And I lost focus of what I want in life. I miss him so much. It is truly hard to admit that I miss him so much. It is even harder to write about him. He was truly someone that I could call out of the blue and he would drop whatever he was doing to listen to me talk. He was always like a big brother to me. He had the most caring personality about him. He would only want your true best out of you. No matter what you do. He was always there for his family. He took care of his parent when no one else could. I wish I had more time with him. Just to have him give me one last hug and to hear his voice say he loves me one last time. It just hurts so much to think he is gone from this earth. I know his soul is still roaming this earth. But to know that I will never get to see him until I too am no longer living, pains me down to my core. He was cremated, and I have some of his ashes in my necklace that was made to hold ashes of a love one. I never take it off (except for showers!)  I wish he was still here to talk me through me losing focus on life. I know I am not the only person missing him. But nobody really talks about it ever since his funeral. I live with my sister and we hardly have talked about it. I wish we would so I know I am not alone. I know I’m never alone because he is always with me in my necklace. But it gets lonely sometimes, not having someone to talk to about it. I know I could easily call one of his sister and talk to them about it. But I don’t want to make their hurt even more. It is hard enough to lose a brother that was the oldest and looked after you. I don’t want to burden them with my sadness and sorrow. I don’t know what I want to do. There is so much on my mind, but no one to tell it to, or have to listen to it.

I miss you so much Bryan!

RIP

Bryan Ho

04/22/83-05/10/15